Cars and Their Drivers' Shoes

JEEP WRANGLER + FLIP-FLOPS








People that drive Jeep Wranglers wear a lot of flip-flops. They go to the beach (as shown) and enjoy a very care-free lifestyle. The flip-flop (which I personally detest) is thus the ideal choice. They have been made available at all the coolest stores, from Old Navy to Abercrombie + Fitch. Despite their despicable appearance, they are one of the few pieces of footwear that have a somewhat realistic price. This makes it possible for the broseffs who wear them to spend their money on more important things like Sex Wax and Sublime records.


THUGGED-OUT NAVIGATOR + NIKE AIR MAX SAFARI








When you go to the club in a Navigator, it's pretty essential that you wear fresh footwear. The Safaris are just obnoxious enough to match the gigantic rims on your whip. I think these shoes go best with a way-too-big LRG sweatshirt and lip gloss. When the club empties out, you can select others you have found in the club with equally dope apparel and go back to your whip for a late night freestyling session. The bitches are drunk - they will think any rhyme you bust is phat so don't even sweat it. Play that instrumental you downloaded from limewire and let your shit rip.


MERCEDES SUV + STILETTOS








The perfect fit for a Jewish stay-at-home wife who just wants to have a girls night out at a middle-aged club scene with a solid VIP section. It's allowance day, and she is ready to buy cosmos for her entire clan of cohorts.


DOC MARTINS + SHITTY FORD PINTO








This was the chick in high school with her hair dyed maroon or purple and always carried around some thick book of spells and shit. She probably had a black choker necklace with some sort of religious-inspired emblem. Everyone thought she was a dyke, but she dated the same guy all throughout high school and probably traded the piece of shit Pinto in for a Dodge Neon eventually - when she settled down with a steady job and conformed. One day she'll feel like a sell-out and try to buy another shitty car, but it will be too late. Then she'll marry an alcoholic who insults here and sucks at cleaning shit.


FORD WINDSTAR + BROOKS SNEAKERS








A classic combination. Your wife gets you some Brooks for Christmas because you mentioned wanting to get back into shape like the good ol' days when you were a 2nd string wide receiver for your high school football team. She likes their sleek design and makes sure to mention to you that she got them at a great price. You smile and put them on, and you feel like a complete ass for about 20 minutes, but then your favorite TV show comes on and you forget about the matter completely. Your kids stare at your blindingly white sneakers and fear that they will have to don similar shit one day, too. For now they dread the day, but when it comes they will surrender helplessly, like beached fish during low-tide.