The More They Care, The Harder They Fall

This is a whiny bitch post, so if you are adverse to whiny little bitches like myself, avert your eyes.

How can it be possible to care too much? And I'm not talking about some selflessness through the eyes of god or the one jah rastafari, I'm just talking very generally. Caring for others and yourself and yourself's affect on others. When did it become cool to be completely apathetic and dismissive about everything that seems to hold the beauty of life?

Fuck you Nirvana?

Was it the grunge era that highlighted the apathetic masses and called them 'cool'? I don't know, but all I know is I look around myself and I'm surrounded by shallow, care-free people having all the things I want and being seemingly not crazily appreciative of said 'things'.

I honestly feel like people who don't take the time to reflect on things, people who are co-dependant, people who don't really try to step outside of themselves and see how they are relating with others, etc., are the people who get the most out of life. Because carelessness has become sexy. It creates a vortex of uncertain desire and mixed emotions and it turns a person from a human being into a challenge or a game or a conquest. It removes emotion (yuck!) and leaves you with just word games and sex. And that's easy. Who wants to deal with the pangs of heartbreak? Or better yet, who wants to seem affected by it? No one.

The cerebral ones, the ones who examine themselves, listen to people, doubt themselves, seek answers, try to understand, try to honestly connect with other people and things - get fucked. Now let me get two things straight. I'm not an ideal example of this, for one. Secondly, they obviously don't ALL get fucked. This post is super bitter and superlative and exagerrated for the sake of venting, however, it is definetely how I feel.

So what is a person left to do? All I can do is keep caring about shit. I can't fake it for the sake of just dating someone casually, or the sake of having new friends that I don't actually give a shit about but know how to party. I am diseased to be an anal retentive pseudo-jew. I am diseased to give a shit about myself and the people and things around me. And for this reason, very few can relate to me. Boo fucking hoo.